Megan uncrossed her legs and crossed them the other way and was about to interject when Cuddy leaned forward to touch House's knee. She decided to remain silent for the moment, to let Cuddy say whatever she needed to say. She'd already worked out that House had a low self-esteem. Bravado didn't fool her. Getting him to admit what he really thought of himself was a real challenge, however. Getting him to really admit anything with any sincerity was a real challenge.
"Move your chair closer if you want to," she offered to Cuddy, noting the way she was stretching over her belly in order to reach House. She otherwise didn't interrupt for a few moments in case House had anything he wanted to say. Eventually, though, she broke the silence.
"Greg," she said gently, "that's why I'm here to help you. So you can learn to see yourself in a more positive way. You've gone through a lot of trauma. You've experienced a lot of hardships. I think you're a lot harder on yourself than you realise. But we're going to work on that together. It'll take time but if you're willing to put in the effort, then maybe you'll be able to see some of the things that Lisa here sees in you."
House felt like a part of him had been ripped open. He couldn't look at either Megan or Cuddy. Hearing the words he'd voiced aloud was almost as difficult as admitting he was an addict. He hated the way he hated himself. He got so frustrated with his own self-defeat. He never knew how to break the cycle, though. He impulsively slid his hand onto Cuddy's where it was still resting on his knee, and gripped it tight.
"I am willing to put in the effort," he replied. He wasn't really sure if he was replying to Megan or reassuring Cuddy. Maybe it was both. "That's why I'm here. That's why I chose to come here. I don't want to be like this anymore."
"Greg," Megan said. "Picture yourself in a year's time. What would you like to see? Don't tell me what you think you will see. Tell me what you'd like to see."
He squeezed Cuddy's hand and anxiously rubbed his thumb over her knuckles. "I'll probably still be stuck in therapy--"
"No," Megan quickly interrupted. "Tell me where you'd like to be in a year's time. Tell Lisa where you'd like to be in a year's time."
"What's the point in hypothetical thinking?" he shot back.
"The point in hypothetical thinking in this case is goals," Megan replied. "You don't just need a goal for therapy. You need a goal for your future with Lisa. With your new family. Having goals is the only way you move forward."
He sighed. He could barely think past what he'd just admitted a few moments ago to even think into the future. He closed his eyes and tried to shove the feelings welling in him back down to where they belonged, then opened his eyes again to look at Cuddy.
"We'd still be together in a year's time," he began in a low voice. "I'd be a good dad. I'd want to look at my kid and know that I'm a good dad. I'd want to be able to look at you and know that I'm good to you, that I deserve you." He looked down at their joined hands. "I wouldn't feel like I was drowning, like... there's no way out. I'm sick of feeling like there's no way out."
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"Move your chair closer if you want to," she offered to Cuddy, noting the way she was stretching over her belly in order to reach House. She otherwise didn't interrupt for a few moments in case House had anything he wanted to say. Eventually, though, she broke the silence.
"Greg," she said gently, "that's why I'm here to help you. So you can learn to see yourself in a more positive way. You've gone through a lot of trauma. You've experienced a lot of hardships. I think you're a lot harder on yourself than you realise. But we're going to work on that together. It'll take time but if you're willing to put in the effort, then maybe you'll be able to see some of the things that Lisa here sees in you."
House felt like a part of him had been ripped open. He couldn't look at either Megan or Cuddy. Hearing the words he'd voiced aloud was almost as difficult as admitting he was an addict. He hated the way he hated himself. He got so frustrated with his own self-defeat. He never knew how to break the cycle, though. He impulsively slid his hand onto Cuddy's where it was still resting on his knee, and gripped it tight.
"I am willing to put in the effort," he replied. He wasn't really sure if he was replying to Megan or reassuring Cuddy. Maybe it was both. "That's why I'm here. That's why I chose to come here. I don't want to be like this anymore."
"Greg," Megan said. "Picture yourself in a year's time. What would you like to see? Don't tell me what you think you will see. Tell me what you'd like to see."
He squeezed Cuddy's hand and anxiously rubbed his thumb over her knuckles. "I'll probably still be stuck in therapy--"
"No," Megan quickly interrupted. "Tell me where you'd like to be in a year's time. Tell Lisa where you'd like to be in a year's time."
"What's the point in hypothetical thinking?" he shot back.
"The point in hypothetical thinking in this case is goals," Megan replied. "You don't just need a goal for therapy. You need a goal for your future with Lisa. With your new family. Having goals is the only way you move forward."
He sighed. He could barely think past what he'd just admitted a few moments ago to even think into the future. He closed his eyes and tried to shove the feelings welling in him back down to where they belonged, then opened his eyes again to look at Cuddy.
"We'd still be together in a year's time," he began in a low voice. "I'd be a good dad. I'd want to look at my kid and know that I'm a good dad. I'd want to be able to look at you and know that I'm good to you, that I deserve you." He looked down at their joined hands. "I wouldn't feel like I was drowning, like... there's no way out. I'm sick of feeling like there's no way out."