Saturday, 21 April

[hbic-cuddy.livejournal.com]

Cuddy turned off the light in the kitchen and headed for the front door. She grabbed her purse and a light jacket, then stopped, looking around and feeling as if she'd forgotten something.

The past week had been very long and very hard and very lonely. The only reason she'd been able to cope with it was because she knew House was where he needed to be to get the help he needed to have. Whenever she got down thinking about him confined to a psychiatric hospital and worried about what their future really held, she reminded herself that this was for the best. It didn't make her feel any less lonely but at least the loneliness had a purpose and she could live with that.

She gave herself a shake to clear the cobwebs collecting in her mind and strode to the door. She pulled the door open, and nearly got a fist in the face.

"Oh, God." Wilson jerked back, pulling his hand away just before he hit her instead of the door. "I.... Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Cuddy said, puzzled but amused. "You missed. The question is--why were you about to knock on my door?"

"I think you should let me drive." Wilson put his hand up before she argue with him, again, that she was perfectly capable of driving herself to Mayfield. "I know what you said but what if something happened? What if you go into labor?"

"For heaven's sake, Wilson," Cuddy said, stepping out onto the porch and locking her front door behind her. She turned to face him. "I'm not hiking off into the wilderness. And I have my cell phone," she added, waving phone at him before tucking it away in her purse.

"I know. And I don't care," he said with vaguely apologetic shrug. "You alone and being this pregnant makes me nervous. Please--let me drive."

She stared at him for a moment. She hadn't been looking forward to making the drive alone with nothing to distract her from her thoughts. In some ways, she wasn't looking forward to seeing House because she was worried about what she might see. If he was having a bad time of it, she would have a hard time staying optimistic. And then she'd have the long drive home again, alone.

"Okay, you win," she said finally. "But you have to let me buy you lunch."

Wilson gave a relieved nod of his head. Then he gave her a quirky little grin. "Well, this will be different. Normally on a road trip, I have to pay for all the food."

*

Cuddy was actually glad she'd let Wilson drive. He was, as always, enjoyable company. More than that, though, he knew the situation. She didn't have to pretend with him. He understood some of what she was feeling--he was probably the only other person who could--so she didn't have to explain herself. They took turns reassuring each other that everything was going to be just fine. Even if neither of them was completely convinced, it was still nice to hear it.

She found herself getting almost unbearably nervous as they went through the visiting procedure in the reception area. After signing in, her bag was searched and they had to turn over anything that could potentially be used to cause injury. It was a horrible feeling to have to look at ordinary, everyday things like nail clippers and calculate how much damage it could do. And she was only visiting. House must feel like he was in prison.

"It's okay," Wilson said quietly, placing his hand on her back as an orderly led them to House's room. She answered him with a terse nod, then stopped in her tracks when the orderly went to knock on one of the doors.

"Do you...?" Wilson stepped back and nodded down the hall. "I'll just wait over here. Yell when--if--House is ready to see me."

"Thank you." Cuddy walked to the door just as the orderly called through the door to announce House had a visitor. He opened the door for Cuddy then, and headed back down the hall. Cuddy took a deep breath and stepped through the door. That first moment of seeing House churned up a whole bunch of emotions but she pushed them down and smiled at him. "Hi. Okay if I come in?"

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[hbic-cuddy.livejournal.com]

Cuddy rubbed her thumb over House's stubble when he pressed her hand to his cheek. She wanted to tell the nurse to stop pushing them...except they weren't being pushed. It only felt that way because she wasn't ready to leave. She wanted to stay. She wanted to be able to touch him, just hold his hand. These little touches were what were going to get her through until the next time she could see him.

She let out a heavy sigh and shifted her hands to the edge of the table to pull herself to her feet. She wrapped her arms around him for one more hug, burying her face against his shoulder while she squeezed him tight. She pulled back with a wistful smile as he talked to the baby. "We miss you, too," she murmured. She glanced over House's shoulder and saw the nurse, very pointedly waiting.

"Come on," she said reluctantly. She took his hand and they walked slowly down the hall. There were a few other visitors heading for the doorway, but not many. She supposed a lot of people found visiting a psychiatric facility too depressing, and some of the patients probably didn't have anyone who cared enough to visit. That would never happen to House. She'd be there. Wilson, too. She knew Wilson would never give up on House.

When they reached the end of the ward she turned to House and gave him one more hug, clutching his shirt in a fierce grip. "Call me," she said, pulling back and reaching up to caress his cheek. "I'll even put the phone on my belly so Junior can hear you. The two of you can continue your evil plots to subvert my authority."

[whatstheddx.livejournal.com]

He was aware the whole time that the nurse was standing behind him, waiting. He wanted to turn around and snap at him to give them some space. All he could do, though, was take Cuddy's hand when she pulled back. It wouldn't matter if he barked at the nurse or not, Cuddy and Wilson would still be kicked out at three o'clock on the dot.

He wound their fingers together as they walked hand-in-hand down the hall, the sinking feeling of dread that Cuddy and Wilson were leaving weighing heavier and heavier in his gut with each step. When Cuddy turned him for one last hug, he gripped her upper arms and held her close. The expression on his face was despondent when Cuddy pulled back, though cracked a faint, thin smile when she said about him continuing his evil plotting with their kid through the phone.

"You say that now, but I know that'll only come back to bite me on the ass," he joked without much humour to his voice. He reached his hand up to hers on his cheek and kissed her palm again, then closed the distance to press his lips to hers, an exchange of soft, lingering kisses. He cupped her cheek to draw her closer, pulling back reluctantly when the kisses finally ended.

He glanced up and saw Wilson was watching them through the door where he was waiting out in the corridor. House dropped his hand from Cuddy's cheek to her belly and gave it one last rub before he pulled away from her. "Love you," he said to Cuddy quietly.

[hbic-cuddy.livejournal.com]

Cuddy leaned, almost straining to reach him over her belly. She pressed her mouth to his, focusing all her concentration on the feel of his lips, the heat, the texture.... She always loved kissing him but this kiss was more. It was an entire conversation in itself. It was a vow of love and a promise of better things to come. That was a lot to ask of simple kiss but she did her best.

She forced herself to smile at him as they parted. It wasn't easy to do but she was determined to make this as easy as possible for him. And maybe, just maybe, making it easier on him would make it easier for her to say good bye.

"I love you, too." She pulled back, running her hands down along his arms until she could grasp his hands. "It's going to be okay, House. Just...let your therapist help you and you'll be home in no time."

She looked over her shoulder as the nurse unlocked the door and held it open for her. She gave House's hands another squeeze, then let him go. She had to make herself take the first step through the door. Just one step, and then another, and then she nearly faltered as she heard it close behind her and the lock shoot home.

"You okay?" Wilson asked as she drew close to him. He'd been watching through the door as House and Cuddy parted. He hadn't been able to see Cuddy's face but he'd had a look at House and he could see just how hard it was for his friend to watch them go. Seeing Cuddy's face now, he could see how upsetting it was for her as well.

"No," she said as she walked up to him...and then continued walking right on past him. "But don't let House see it."

Wilson tilted his head, puzzled until he realized she was trying to spare House from feeling her pain as well as his own. He looked back into the ward and gave House a jaunty little two-fingered salute before he turned and followed Cuddy.

"Do you need a moment?" he asked once they were outside, standing on the front steps of the building.

She shook her head and swallowed hard before she could look at him. "He needs to be here," she said, trying to reassure herself this was the right thing to do.

"He needs help," Wilson agreed. He wasn't completely convinced House needed to be committed but he did agree that something had to be done. He'd decided not to second guess House's decision to check himself in because it was a positive move and those were few and far between for House.

"Come on," he said, placing his hand on her shoulder. "Let's go home."