cuddys_house | Afternoon, Thursday, 26 April

Afternoon, Thursday, 26 April

Cuddy pulled into a parking space as close to the entrance of Mayfield Hospital as she could find. She'd made the drive by herself this time. Wilson had protested, of course--he really did take his white knight delusion seriously--but she'd insisted. She was perfectly fine. Junior was happily incubating away and showed no signs of popping out any time soon. She knew that could change in a heartbeat but she didn't intend to spend the remaining days until the baby's birth staying at home because she might go into labor at any moment. She'd be fine, and as long as Dr. Patil remained ignorant about all her 'traveling,' everyone would be happy.

She hadn't actually planned on being back at the hospital just yet. Between her obligations at work and the fact House had his own obligations as far as therapy sessions went, she hadn't planned on visiting on weekdays. However, House's doctor had called on Monday and asked if she'd be willing to join one of his one on one sessions with her. Well, what could she say to that? Of course she'd do it if his doctor thought it would be helpful. It's not like they were asking her to donate a vital organ or something. All she had to do was talk.

She couldn't help being a little nervous, though, because she didn't know what to expect. She hoped the doctor would be able to give her some guidance on how she should deal with House's issues. She'd really, really like to have some guidance on that because she clearly didn't know what to do. But she didn't have any experience with psychiatrists from the perspective of a patient, or loved one of a patient, so she was a bit in the dark as to what would happen in this session.

She pulled herself out of the car, which wasn't all that easy when she had to extricate herself from the seatbelt and squeeze Junior out from behind the steering wheel. She retrieved a small tote bag from the back seat before heading to the entrance. She'd gathered up the things House had asked for, thinking the sooner he got them, the sooner he might feel a little more at ease. Of course, once she got inside, she had to let them search the bag to make sure she wasn't bringing in anything he wasn't allowed to have. She'd been careful about her choices, though, so it didn't take too long before one of the orderlies was taking her into the ward.

She'd arrived a bit early because she wanted to make sure she'd have a few moments with House before the therapy session. She wanted to be able to give him his things and maybe steal a hug or a kiss. She still felt guilty remembering how despondant he'd looked when she'd left on Saturday. She knew this was the best place for him but boy, it was hard to think about him feeling so lonely and lost.

The orderly got all chivalrous on her and carried the bag down the hall to House's room. He gave a sharp rap on House's door. "Vistor for you, Greg." Then he handed the bag to her and smiled before he walked away. "Have a nice visit, ma'am."

"Thanks." Cuddy turned the doorknob and opened the door just a little. She didn't want to intrude if he wasn't quite ready for a visitor. "House, are you decent?" she asked just as she poked her head in.

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"As long as Junior cooperates, I'll be more than willing to come back," Cuddy said. She was completely sincere about that. Now that she knew what to expect, she had no hesitation about returning for another session. Even with the nervousness, she was determined to do whatever the doctor thought would help House, and she'd gotten more than she'd expected from the session. She felt much better about his hospitalization. She felt badly that he felt so unhappy about his need to be here but she knew now it was worth it. She felt better on her own behalf as well. She hadn't intended to bring up any of her own issues during the session but she couldn't say she regretted it. She felt reassured to know she wasn't being completely selfish when she got upset about the strain of dealing with him. Well, she still saw it as selfish but at least she knew what she was feeling was normal. That in itself made her feel less overwhelmed.

Cuddy got to her feet as Megan told House he could leave as well. It was impossible to miss the relief that came over him as he realized he wasn't going to have to talk anymore. It must be pure torture in his mind to be expected to talk every day but Cuddy could find the humor in it now. Megan obviously had the necessary persistance to keep at him so Cuddy could relax a little. She tucked his letter away in her purse and leaned forward to shake Megan's hand again. "In case Junior doesn't cooperate, I want you to know I really appreciate everything you're doing for House."

She gladly took his hand as they walked away from the doctor's office. She felt more hopeful than she had in a long time. Everything she and House had tried to repair their relationship had felt doomed from the start. Even though she'd wanted to find a way to work things out, she'd never really felt confident. That was probably because they'd never truly addressed the real problems. Avoiding conflict was going to be nearly impossible as long as they didn't deal with the issues underlying those fights. She wasn't naive enough to think some drugs and talking were going to fix everything, and certainly not easily. With House getting therapy now, though, she felt like they had a real chance to save their relationship and move forward.

When he slipped his arm around her shoulder, she lifted her hand to rest in the small of his back. She couldn't hold him too closely because it was too difficult for him to walk with her hanging on but it was nice to simply walk together and feel like they were going in the same direction, psychologically as well as physically. "I won't be able to stay much longer," she said apologetically, looking up at his profile. Technically it wasn't official visiting hours anyway so she wasn't sure how long she'd be allowed to stay. She assumed he had his own obligations as well, maybe a group therapy session. "I tried to clear my calendar this afternoon but there's a couple of things I've still got to deal with back at the hospital." She rubbed her hand against his back. "I'm really glad I came today, though. I feel a lot better about...well, everything."

"Hm," he replied quietly at the news Cuddy couldn't stay very long, keeping his eyes trained ahead of him. It wasn't visiting hours anyway, so she'd probably get ushered out before long. But he was still disappointed. Maybe it was a good thing, though. All he wanted to do now was hole up in his room to get as far away from any kind of talking as possible. Still, he got to see Cuddy so little that the visits she paid felt rushed and over with much too quickly.

He nodded when she went on to say that she felt better about everything, thanks to the session with Megan. He supposed he did, too, in some ways. He supposed he felt more hopeful knowing that he'd made progress, according to his doctor. That didn't ease the fact that he was still stuck in here, though, and that didn't ease the fact that he was lonely and wished he was home instead.

"Yeah," he replied. "You're lucky you caught Dr. Lecter on a day she wasn't hungry. Normally she tries to eat me."

Nearing his room, he slipped arm free from Cuddy and pushed the door open. He held it open for Cuddy and felt like he could finally relax once the door shut, closing out the rest of the ward. He turned around and limped into the room, lifting his cane to toss it over onto his bed. Then he approached Cuddy and drew her to him, wrapping his arms around her shoulders to cuddle her close.

"Yes, she's obviously a real monster," Cuddy said dryly. "It's wonder you haven't tried to put a stake through her heart before she bleeds you dry."

One session wasn't enough for her to get a complete picure of Megan but she had a good feeling from what she had seen. House would dislike any therapist on principle but Megan seemed to be a good match for him. She wasn't bothered or intimidated by his bullshit. She wasn't distracted by it either. She kept on task no matter what he said, which was probably one of the reasons he kept calling her Dr. Lector. She kept slicing away at his psyche no matter how much he resisted.

He hadn't said anything truly horrible about her, though, so Cuddy suspected he actually understood she was helping him, maybe even respected her a little for it. That was actually a good sign, too. If he was opening himself up enough to accept her help, that was a sign of progress.

Cuddy reached for House as he approached her, hugging him close and resting her head against his chest for a moment. She glanced up at him, then. "Are you really okay with continuing with Megan as an outpatient? She seems pretty competent to me but she'll be your therapist. What I think doesn't really matter. You have to be happy with her."

House was glad to finally be able to hold her. He and Cuddy didn't do talking all that well but they did things like this well. If their whole relationship could be worked out through mere touch, that would have made things so much easier. Sometimes, things could be resolved with a simple hug when they fought over something that was stupid more than damaging. But a lot of their fights lately had been damaging way more than stupid. Or stupid and damaging.

"Of course I'm not okay with it," he retorted. "I'd much rather just be over and done with everything once I get out of here."

He reluctantly supposed that having Megan intervene today had been a good thing. He'd said things he hadn't counted on admitting and had heard things from Cuddy he hadn't expected to hear. Megan had forced him to stop and think about some things, though. He wanted to resent her for that because he hated anybody interfering with his thoughts or his mind. But he had to admit that her input helped him to communicate to Cuddy. And he was still glad to hear he'd made progress, even if he himself couldn't see it or even feel it.

He shrugged, running his hands down Cuddy's arms. "I want everything to be fixed and back to normal by the time I get out of here," he said quietly, "and I thought when I first came in here that would happen. But... I've been here a couple of weeks now and I can see it's not going to be as simple as that."

The truth was he was at the very least glad he wasn't going to have to see another therapist once he got out of here. Building relationships was hard enough for him, let alone with a doctor who was trained at picking his brain. He was still incredibly wary of Megan and probably would be for a long time coming, perhaps for the entire duration of his treatment. But he'd rather continue seeing someone he'd already established some kind of foundation with than be palmed off to a new doctor where new foundations had to be laid all over again.

"You honestly think I'm going to be happy with any therapist?" he pointed out. "She gets on my nerves but I guess she'll have to do." Which was his way of saying that, no, he wasn't happy about having to continue therapy for however long he was going to need therapy for but he was as happy as he was going to get with Megan.

"No, I never thought you'd be happy with any therapist. Honestly, I never thought you'd even see a therapist." Cuddy gave a little shrug, her arms moving within his loose grasp. "I suppose that counts as progress all by itself."

She slipped her hands up to either side of his face, pulling him down for a soft kiss. "I'm glad you're going to continue with outpatient treatment," she murmured, giving him another quick, playful kiss. It was a relief to know he'd have that kind of support when he got discharged. She was too close; she didn't always see what was going on with him. It was going to be good for both of them to know he had another source of support.

"What really makes me glad, though, is knowing you'll be home soon. I know nothing's definite but it's enough to know it's likely." She settled back on her heels and looked up at him, a slightly evil grin on her face.

"I mean, you should be home in plenty of time to take over some of the household chores for me. Rub my feet. Fetch me ice cream in the middle of the night." She let out a soft laugh and leaned into him again in a hug. "Oh, and there's that whole suffering through hours of labor thing I know you're looking forward to."

"Stranger things have happened," House said as Cuddy pulled him down for a kiss. He slipped his hands down around to her waist and held her lightly while she kissed him. He really missed this kind of thing between Cuddy and him, the intimacy and the freedom to touch and kiss her whenever he liked. If anything was going to drive him towards getting better so he could get out of here sooner, this was one of those things.

"I'm not," he replied in between another kiss. He really wasn't all that keen on the idea of having to continue therapy, having to be constantly reminded of all of this, for however long therapy with Megan ended up persisting. He knew he had to, though. He had to for Cuddy and for their kid. And he had to for him, too.

He pulled back a little as Cuddy said about having him home. He rolled his eyes as she went on to explain all the chores he'd be put up to doing. "I knew that evil smirk of yours spelled something ominous," he said. He wrapped his arms around her again and cuddled her close, not wanting to let her go.

"Funnily enough, I think I prefer the idea of suffering through hours of labour with you than suffering through months of therapy." Still holding her close, he pulled back again so he could look down at her. "That's not to say I'm looking forward to it, though."

He thought about that for a moment. "Well... maybe I am a little." He lifted a hand and held his forefinger and thumb close together to demonstrate just how 'little' he was looking forward to suffering through hours of labour with Cuddy. He lowered his hand back to her waist again. "At the very least, I'll finally get to see what this kid looks like and I'll be able to point out how bald and angry-looking the kid is... and how much the kid therefore takes after me."

Cuddy let out a soft huff of amusement. She had no doubt House would rather sit with her through labor than see a psychiatrist. For one thing, she would be the one in pain during labor while he looked on. Maybe he'd suffer a little but it wouldn't be anything like having his psyche probed. For another, labor was guaranteed to end; therapy was not so definite. For some people therapy never ended. She couldn't imagine him staying with treatment for years but hopefully he'd stick with it long enough to get himself on the right track.

"You're not bald...yet," she said, reaching up to ruffle his hair playfully. "And I already know this kid takes after you. Like I said before--Junior's up all night and lazy all day, just like his daddy."

She was extremely curious to see who this kid would take after. Not just physically. Obviously she was curious about what Junior would look like as he grew but she was far more curious about what his personality would be. Stubborn was a given but what else? Would he or she be a daredevil like House or have more of her cautious nature? Would he be ruthlessly honest or be more politically correct?

Some of Junior's personality would be determined by the way she and House raised him, of course. Some aspects of personality were hard-wired but how those aspects were expressed would be molded by what he learned from his parents. She wasn't sure which was the scarier notion--that Junior would be hardwired to be like one of them or that he'd be influenced by what he saw his crazy parents do.

She had a good idea of what scared House, though, and that was having a girly-girl. "Once Emma gets past the bald, angry stage, she's just as likely to take after me." She grinned. "I'm really looking forward to all the blackmail potential--you playing with dolls, learning how to curl her hair, singing along with the latest boy band." She burst out with a quick laugh. "What's more--you're going to secretly love every minute of it."

Edited 2009-08-09 03:16 (UTC)

He scrunched his face up in protest as Cuddy ruffled his hair, causing it to stick up in all angles. "In that case, I can see what kind of mother-child relationship that's going to be," he replied. "A kid that defies your every word just because he or she can. Driving you up the wall. Doing reckless things to scare the crap out of you. Arguing with you for the sake of arguing..."

In truth, he wasn't sure that kind of kid would get along all that well with him, either. Though, he couldn't be certain. If there was anything in the world he was clueless about, parenthood was it. There was basic common sense, of course. But knowing what to expect, knowing how to do things right, knowing if he'd be cut out for this - that was all the unknown.

He gave a pained roll of his eyes as Cuddy predicted how their daughter - if the kid was indeed a girl - was going to be. "Are you trying to scare me off? Because it's not going to work."

He didn't have a clue what he'd do if the kid was a girl, especially if she turned out to be a real girly-girl, like Cuddy was describing. He probably would find him roped into playing with dolls, tea parties, dress ups, whatever the hell girls got up to. He'd never grown up around any girls and didn't really have much of a clue about what girls were like or into, apart from the obvious - dolls, Barbies, princesses, the colour pink...

"Once Nathan gets past the bald, angry stage, he's just as like to take after me," he countered. "Bringing in bugs from the backyard to show you, climbing up on the roof just to see if he can do it, pretending he's a character from his favourite superhero cartoon by riding on a beanbag down a flight stairs at your parents' house, pinning up pictures of topless women in his room when he's a teenager." He gave her a 'so there' look. "And you're not-so-secretly going to hate every moment of it."

"No, just preparing you for the possibility," Cuddy said. She wasn't sure why she kept tormenting him with the possibility of having a girly-girl. It definitely wasn't that she wanted to scare him off--that was the last thing she wanted to do. It was more that she found the prospect so amusing she couldn't resist taunting him about. Probably a stupid idea to try and 'scare' him given his ambivalence about fatherhood but then, she sometimes did stupid things.

"I can handle boy stuff...as long as it's not dangerous," she insisted. Bugs, rough-housing, crazy stunts: she could handle that stuff. That wasn't to say she wouldn't try to stop it if it got out of hand but she certainly wasn't afraid of little boys. The only real concern she had about raising a boy was that they tended to be more reckless. Or maybe they were just more dramatic about their recklessness. Either way they did have a tendency to be injured more frequently than girls and that's the one thing she did fear--seeing her child hurt.

"Have you considered the possibility that Nathan might take after me? Or that Emma might take after you?" Cuddy asked, one eyebrow arched as she looked up at him. Heaven only knew what random combination of physical and psychological traits this kid was going to inherit. It was fun to think about but kind of pointless at the same time. Junior would be whoever he or she was going to be and the best thing Cuddy could do was try to keep an open mind.

"Whatever this kid's going to be like, it'll be ours and we'll love it," she said, snuggling back up to him and resting her head against his chest. "Honestly, right now I'm just trying to focus on getting through the next month. And then the delivery. I'll worry about the rest later."

"If by 'take after you', you mean Nate being a girly-girl..."

He had considered the possibility to some degree. Not that their son would be a girly-girl but that their son could take after Cuddy, or their daughter could take after him. Though, their kid could end up taking after someone else entirely in his or Cuddy's family, too. There was no way of telling until the kid was out and had time to develop a personality of its own.

As Cuddy cuddled back up to him, he wrapped his arms around her, one hand rubbing her back. "Even if it does come out with horns and a forked tail? Then we'll know the kid definitely takes after you," he teased.

He smiled slightly to himself. He'd missed this. He'd missed having playful arguments with Cuddy over things like what they were 'arguing' about now. They'd had a lot of big, ugly arguments about this kid, but there'd been plenty of times they'd teased each other good naturedly about it, too.

He tightened his arms around her to cuddle her closer, trying to wring every moment he had left with Cuddy before she had to leave. It was awkward to really cuddle her as close as he wanted to because of her belly. He rubbed her back a little firmer, both hands running up and down it, and then locked his arms around her.

"I'm going to make it a goal to be out of here before our kid's born," he murmured. "I don't want to miss out on anything."

"Nothing showed up on the ultrasound. So unless Junior has retractible horns, I think it's pretty safe to say this is not a demonic child."

She wouldn't be surprised if they didn't have moments in the future when they questioned Junior's origin. Any child of theirs was likely to be stubborn, independent, and challenging. Any child could be challenging--it seemed to be the nature of kids, especially once they hit puberty. Their child was likely to take that to the limit. She fully intended to blame House for any trouble this kid gave them.

Of course, it might be just as likely the kid would think his parents were the 'evil' ones. Junior could end up being a perfectly sweet-natured kid who'd wonder how he ended up with two such crazy people for his parents. Cuddy couldn't really blame him if he did. However, she intended to blame House for that as well.

It wasn't as easy to hug him now with Junior always between them but it still felt good. It felt especially good when he rubbed her back. Even when her back wasn't acutely aching, she still felt some strain there. The firm pressure of his hands eased that strain, at least temporarily.

"We'll be waiting for you," she said quietly when he swore he was going to work at being home soon. She knew he was capable of accomplishing his goal. As long as he kept working with Megan, she was sure he could make enough progress to allow him to come home. He wouldn't be cured, of course, but he'd be on the road to recovery. That would be good enough...as long he continued to work at his recovery after he came home.

She slipped her arm from around his waist and glanced down at her watch. "I really have to go," she said reluctantly. Instead of pulling away, though, she held onto him and turned her face up for a kiss. Even though she felt more hopeful after this visit, it was still difficult to think about leaving him behind.

A stab of disappointment hit him when Cuddy said she had to go. She'd already told him she couldn't stay long and even if she could, the nursing staff would have interrupted at some point and told her to leave. He hadn't expected that moment for her to say she had to leave to come so quickly, though. He felt like he'd barely gotten to see her properly today. Then again, it wouldn't matter if she stayed the entire day - he was never fully relaxed in this place, knowing someone would interrupt to check up on him or to tell him he had therapy or to talk.

His disappointment at the news she had to leave reflected in his sigh. He nodded slightly as she turned her face up to him, then bent his head to meet her lips. He exchanged a series of light, tender kisses with her before he tightened his arms around her as the kiss deepened.

He sucked softly on her lower lip and gently stroked his tongue against hers. He ran his hands down her back and up again and as he sucked on her top lip, he wrapped his arms around her once more to hold her close.

The kiss tapered off into more light, tender kisses until he pulled away to rest his cheek next to hers while still holding her in a tight hug. "I miss you," he whispered.

Cuddy leaned forward, lifting up on her toes just a bit to reach his mouth more easily. She tried to push away all other thoughts--therapy, support groups, even the baby--and simply concentrate on kissing him. She slid her hands up his arms as the kiss deepened, holding him firmly as their lips met and molded together.

She kissed him as though she wasn't going to see him again for a long time. It was crazy. She knew she'd see him, and soon. These separations while he was in the hospital weren't actually all that long. It was more the circumstances, the fact they couldn't see each other whenever they wanted to. Maybe that wasn't such a bad thing, though. It certainly made her remember how much she wanted him in her life. It made her more aware of how easily that could be lost as well.

"Miss you, too." She grabbed his face between her hands and gave him a series of quick kisses. "Love you."

She swallowed hard and made herself step back, pushing her palms against his chest. "I really do have to go." She gave him one more light pat on the chest then turned away to get her purse. "I'll write you that letter, though," she said as she turned back to him. "And I'll be back soon. And you can call me whenever you want. Whenever they let you use the phone."

"Same," he murmured as Cuddy grabbed his face and guided his mouth back to hers. He'd let her go to grip her arms just as she pulled back with her palms to his chest. He was reluctant to let her go even as she pushed against his him to step away. It was a bit ridiculous - it wasn't like he was never going to see her again. It wasn't even like he was going to be stuck in here for months, like he originally thought he might. But still.

He let her go, dropping his arms to his side with a nod. He chewed his lower lip, then said, "I guess I'll see you... whenever I see you."

He hoped he'd see her on the weekend. He knew, though, that depended entirely on how Cuddy was feeling, on whether she felt up for driving all the way out here, and Junior. She was in her very last month - that meant that any day now, the baby could decide to come, be that early or late. He hoped the baby would decide to be born after he got out of the hospital.

He watched Cuddy gather her things and head for the door. "Might call you tomorrow night," he said. "Annoy you for a while. Tell you filthy jokes until you get offended and hang up on me." He gave her a crooked half-smile and a small wave goodbye.

"I'll be back this weekend, Junior permitting," Cuddy assured him. She could imagine how doing these trips back and forth could get to be a real drain on her, especially with the drain on her energy the pregnancy was already causing. For now, though, she felt it was important to make sure House didn't feel like he'd been abandoned or forgotten. She'd make the trips as long as she was physically capable.

She took one more quick look around the room to make sure she hadn't left anything. All she really had, though, was her purse and the now empty tote bag. Everything else was meant to stay. She walked to the door slowly, her steps heavy with reluctance. As she looked back at him one more time, he threatened to call her.

"Okay, just don't call too late. These days I can't stay up late, not even for obscene phone calls," she joked. Well, actually it wasn't a joke. She tended to fall into bed as soon as she could. She didn't always stay there long but she was typically exhausted by eight or nine in the evening. She didn't want him to call only for her to struggle to stay alert enough to talk to him.

She smiled and blew him a kiss as she stepped out the door.

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Afternoon, Thursday, 26 April

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